


Darth Vader and His Sandulous Adventures

by AllessaRen2198



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-20
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:13:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24825115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllessaRen2198/pseuds/AllessaRen2198
Summary: He hates sand. He fucking hates it.
Relationships: Darth Vader/Sand, Luke Skywalker & Darth Vader, Sheev Palpatine & Darth Vader
Comments: 9
Kudos: 36





	Darth Vader and His Sandulous Adventures

**Author's Note:**

> So this morning I had a conversation with my friends about Vader and his hatred of sand. Then this happened.

The Plans

Vader isn’t usually this tense, thinks Tarkin as he watches the man pace back and forth. He’s stiffer than usual, though that may be due to the new plastic components being used to temporarily replace the durasteel usuals (the factory they bought from had been converted to the resistance’s side. He was hoping that a new place could be found before Vader killed  _ even more _ troopers over the matter. It was a whole corporate mess that Tarkin  _ was not _ here for thank you very much. He’d placed Geroge on communications duty with new places though the young lieutenant was having trouble coming up with excuses on why they needed a partnership  _ now _ . It would hardly do to expose the fact that Vader’s suit was so faulty.)

“The droids...are on Tatooine?” Tarkin nods before remembering that he should speak out loud. “Yes, Lord Vader,” he notices the usual mumblings about  _ fucking sand _ coming from Vader’s vocoder. “Well. Send our very best troopers to retrieve them.” Tarkin frowns. “You aren’t going, sir?” Tarkin realizes that if he were anyone but himself, he’d be hanging in the air regretting his life decisions. “No.” is the simple answer he receives.

Tarkin makes sure to place another tally on his list of times Vader avoided anything to do with sand. He wonders why and decides it is ultimately none of his business.

Geonosis: Sand Removal Part One

He. Is.  _ Upset _ . 

Vader thinks as he slices his saber through every moving thing in his path. He’s pretty sure his friendly fire count has been added to if the few white suits he cut down are any indication.  _ Oops, he would maybe not really apologize later _ . 

Geonosis was covered in sand.  _ Covered in it _ . Another rebel down, silence. The remaining stormtroopers stand and observe their leader, who is...yelling? It sounds like muffled shrieking. Vader is trying really hard to not scream. He is cool, calm... _ there is fucking sand  _ **_in his boots_ ** . He whirls around and screams to his officers to get the information they came for so they can leave.  **_NOW_ ** . He growls. This is gonna be a bitch.

Droids are Better than Humans Sometimes: Sand Removal Part Two

Back on the ship Vader enters his tubular circle of life and removes his helmet. The amount of sand that pools out is utterly  _ ridiculous _ . How? Because this can’t even be possible. He calls in a cleaning droid this time because the human who had helped blabbed to his wife, and well, no thank you. _No one knows what happened to that guy, and no one ever asked._ The droid helps him take care of all the sand, and as he lays there, no limbs, head uncovered, he thinks that this must be some divine punishment because how did sand  _ get in his breathing tubes _ .

Tarkin sees the med bay report and sighs. Sand is becoming a very big issue.

Palpatine Just  _ Doesn’t Understand _

Tarkin tenses as Vader slowly storms in (which shouldn’t really be possible and is very unfair, he thinks). Palpatine sits on his throne, smiling (which is entirely too creepy and he wonders why exactly he took this job again...oh yeah he’s  _ evil _ ). Once Vader stops and bows, Palpatine gets  _ right to the point _ . “Why don’t you like sand? It’s becoming a problem, getting in our way.” Vader tenses. He remembers the  _ sand _ and the memories it is related to. Obi Wan, Padme, fucking living in sand, his mother, the fucking sand (everywhere and you would never get it all out so it _stayed)_. “I just don’t” It is very childlike and Palpatine tilts his head. “Well, unfortunately for you, Lord Vader, your next mission involves sand, and so does the one after that.”

_ This is true evil  _ Tarkin thinks as Vader storms away and Palpatine laughs.

Luke and Memories, Oh Yeah and  _ cutting off your son’s hand _

Vader stares down at his son.  _ His son, her son _ . He thinks. The boy, man?, looks at him in shock then screams. “NOOOOOOO” and Vader agrees the scream goes on a little too long and also gives him a headache. _Like the fucking sand._

He sees Luke’s eyebrows furrow.  _ Oh Fuck...he knows about the sand! _ Before Vader can kill him because he knows his secret and goddammit all the resistance would really need to do is flood his ship with sand and this man would fucking cry, Luke yeets himself off the thing he was hanging onto (who knows or even cares what it was let's be honest) and goddammit Vader does not have the balls to go after him, literally he doesn’t have any.

  
Later, Vader sobs in his tubular sphere of life,  _ fucking sand  _ will be his end.


End file.
